I’m feeling the love, I really am. I appreciate the sentiments: it’s the cause, not the miles. At least for most of you it seems that way. One of you was apparently not thrilled. I got online yesterday morning and my donation total had dropped by $100. I’m not sure how, exactly, if someone called the SGK and asked for their donation back or if a credit card was suddenly declined, if someone was that ticked off or if it’s just One Of Those Things or what, but coincidentally or not, I also lost a follower at Thumper Thinks Out Loud.
To Whomever: sorry to disappoint you, but no one is more disappointed than I am. I looked forward to this walk more than a kid looks forward to Christmas. I expected more of myself and have played ‘what if’ in my head roughly 35.962 times since the Spouse Thingy packed up the tent and got us a ride back to our car. Other people got out there on day two and walked with harsh blisters, searing leg pain, crushing fatigue; what if I had just started out? Maybe I could have gutted it out. Maybe I’d have barfed a couple times along the way and then been ok? If I had just gone, I’d have been sick either way but the miles would have been walked.
You can’t beat me up any more than I’m beating myself up. I can’t help but feel like I let people down, and I let myself down. Whether it makes sense or not, I can’t help it.
But still…my apologies.
Later in the day, however, I got two more donations that more than made up for the lost one. The little notes of support have made me feel a whole lot better, too. And I'm starting to feel not so sick, which makes me a little less whiny, lets me have a little perspective...
Today is the first day since Saturday that I’ve felt mostly human. The world isn’t spinning and the vice grip has been taken off my skull. Max spent the greater part of the last three nights plastered next to me, trying to purr me into recovery, but he’s now lounging in the cubby by the fireplace and not attaching himself to my hip as I sit here, so I take it even he senses I feel a little better.
That means I should be able to get back out there and walk this weekend.
Yeah. I am genuinely sorry to disappoint anyone, but I can’t change it. The only thing I can do is suck in a deep breath and start planning how I’ll train for the next 5 weeks, and then do it.
And if anyone so much as sneezes near me over the next month and a half, I may have to treat them to an atomic wedgy.