Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I’m feeling the love, I really am. I appreciate the sentiments: it’s the cause, not the miles. At least for most of you it seems that way. One of you was apparently not thrilled. I got online yesterday morning and my donation total had dropped by $100. I’m not sure how, exactly, if someone called the SGK and asked for their donation back or if a credit card was suddenly declined, if someone was that ticked off or if it’s just One Of Those Things or what, but coincidentally or not, I also lost a follower at Thumper Thinks Out Loud.

To Whomever: sorry to disappoint you, but no one is more disappointed than I am. I looked forward to this walk more than a kid looks forward to Christmas. I expected more of myself and have played ‘what if’ in my head roughly 35.962 times since the Spouse Thingy packed up the tent and got us a ride back to our car. Other people got out there on day two and walked with harsh blisters, searing leg pain, crushing fatigue; what if I had just started out? Maybe I could have gutted it out. Maybe I’d have barfed a couple times along the way and then been ok? If I had just gone, I’d have been sick either way but the miles would have been walked.

You can’t beat me up any more than I’m beating myself up. I can’t help but feel like I let people down, and I let myself down. Whether it makes sense or not, I can’t help it.

But still…my apologies.

Later in the day, however, I got two more donations that more than made up for the lost one. The little notes of support have made me feel a whole lot better, too. And I'm starting to feel not so sick, which makes me a little less whiny, lets me have a little perspective...

Today is the first day since Saturday that I’ve felt mostly human. The world isn’t spinning and the vice grip has been taken off my skull. Max spent the greater part of the last three nights plastered next to me, trying to purr me into recovery, but he’s now lounging in the cubby by the fireplace and not attaching himself to my hip as I sit here, so I take it even he senses I feel a little better.

That means I should be able to get back out there and walk this weekend.


Yeah. I am genuinely sorry to disappoint anyone, but I can’t change it. The only thing I can do is suck in a deep breath and start planning how I’ll train for the next 5 weeks, and then do it.

And if anyone so much as sneezes near me over the next month and a half, I may have to treat them to an atomic wedgy.


dkm3day said...

Just gonna remind you what you said to me when I couldn't walk the entire 60 miles last year... no shame in the sweep van. Two years ago did you ever dream that you could walk 20 miles in one day? Well - you DID. YOU DID.

Meowers from Missouri said...

apology? WHAT????? i don't think so--whoever that twerp was owes you one (but i doubt you'll get it). i wonder how many miles HE or SHE can walk--and to what purpose. pfui.

you TOTALLY rule!

Nurse Kathy said...

Thumper I am so incredibly proud of you. Just showing up to walk with a broken toe is amazing and all the months you have put into training is no small feat with all the physical challenges you face. please don't even think of really apologizing to the twerp who doesn't get it. You can feel sorry for them. Oh, if I had been walking with you and you had to stopped to barf on the side of the trail I would have been SO done and barfing with ya. Just think of all the other walkers you saved from the misery of sympathy nausea by letting ST take care of you. ;)

G.G. Mueller said...

What a horses' pattut! Do NOT, I repeat, NOT let the bas---d get you down! You take care of you first and then you give what you can to the cause. You did more than that and you have no cause to apologize to an idiot.
Really, would let them know that the last thing you want to do is piss off a Norwegian!!!(I am Norwegian--sorta-) and it pisses me off!!!
Get well and snuggle with the cats. You earned it!

Derby, Ducky said...

We will go poop on their pillow. We support you Mrs Thumper, Max's personal assistant extraordinaire, walk or no walk. We loves you.

The Furry Bambinos said...

Agreed about walking with a broken toe! OMG - I broke my baby toe last year. Clutz that I am, I managed to bash my baby toe into a rock on the beach in Puerto Rico. The day of the rehearsal dinner for my BIL's wedding. I had 5 inch heels to wear that night, and I felt like Cinderella's sisters trying to shove my swollen foot into the shoes. All I could do was hobble, regardless of what shoes I wore. It was two months before the pain eventually went away completely. Clearly, I am a wuss!

And yet you walked 20 miles with a broken big toe?! The same week it got broken? Now that takes guts. I couldn't even put tennis shoes onto my left foot comfortably for 2 months, yet you wore them for the walk?

Hats off to you for even attempting to walk given the broken toe. And the real practice walking that goes into the training is mind boggling.

I sure didn't donate to see you walk - heck, I am 2000 miles away, how would I know if you walked or not? I donated to support you and to support the cause.

Mom Sue (on her Soap Box) to The Furry Bambinos and Assorted Fosters